living in the "maybe"

Let me start by saying that I believe I've lived a good portion of my life in the "maybe". After all, "maybe" means there are options and possibilities. It leaves things open-ended.

I'm realizing more and more, however, that "maybe" maybe okay for certain situations, but "maybe" can also be confusing, misleading, and potentially harmful.

My thinking on this actually started as I began doing research about the whole Cuddle Party thing. Part of the Cuddle Party experience is learning how to say "no" and being okay with being told "no". A verbal yes must be given before there is any touching. Under the Cuddle Party rules, #4 states "if you're a yes, say YES. If you're a no, say NO." And Rule #5 is, "If you're a maybe, say NO." "Maybe" is considered to be a form of unclear communication which leaves the other person hanging. There's potential for there to be unmet expectations, resulting in unintended hurt. It doesn't mean that your or other person can't change their mind. You and they are more than able to do so. It's about being free to choose clearly and thereby allowing the other person to do the same.

As I thought about it, I realize how much it makes sense, and I began to understand how living in the "maybe" has impacted my own life in many different ways. Whether the "maybe" is from my end or what I receive (or think I receive) from others, it has resulted in confusion, anxiety, and hurt. At times it has kept me from moving forward and from really getting what I want out of life.

I'm not saying "maybe" doesn't exist or that everything is always black and white (because it's not!), but I know I need to live less of my life in the unclear "maybe" and live more in the "yes" and "no". The "yes" and "no" might change, and I need to be okay with that too, but to not expect it and instead accept it as it is.

I don't know if this makes sense to any of you guys, but regardless, I believe the Cuddle Party will be a great thing for me on a lot of different levels. It should be a good exercise in saying and receiving "no" and in clear communication overall. The Cuddle Party also addresses the issue that people fear touch as being a sexual thing (therefore they either fear being touched or fear they will lose control) and miss out on the benefits of non-sexual human touch. The Cuddle Party creates a safe environment where touch is monitored but also emphasizes that it's really within our own power to stop it from getting to that other level by choosing not to let it go there. The Cuddle Party doesn't deny the existence of sexual tension and energy, but the parties are non-sexual so that the benefits of touch and communication are emphasized.

Anyway, this blog entry was supposed to be about trying not to live in the "maybe" anymore. One step (and cuddle!) at a time. =)

the mating ritual

After a late night at a really lame excuse for an Irish pub in Hoboken (that was completely packed out and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why), we headed over to Johnny Rockets to grab a bite to eat. There were no empty tables for us (at like 2 a.m.!) so we decided to sit at the counter. I put my stuff down and headed to the bathroom.

When I came back, my stuff had been moved so that I would be sitting next to a row of black men. I was told later that this was Will's idea.

Should I play the game?

There were no more menus left on our side of the counter. I noticed the menus on the other side of the counter. Deanna, who was sitting to my right, asks the man to my left for the menus which I took from him. The game had begun. Here's the abbreviated run-down.

He recommended the chili. He said it's the best he's had. I asked him for a guarantee. He offered to pay for it.

He said the way I ate the chili was very sensual. (???) I'm thinking, this guy is practically throwing his phone number in my direction. He is making it way too easy for me to play the game.

He asked me if I liked the chili. I responded yes. He then proceeded to ask a series of questions to which I would answer yes. Then he asked me if I like black men. (!!!)

Then he said he's never hung out (not sure that those were his words) with an Oriental woman. Oriental??? I told him I'm not a rug and informed him that I'm an ASIAN woman.

Yes, he did give me his phone number. Am I going to call him? Hmmm...if I was just looking for a one-date experience...maybe. But at this point, I doubt it. Instead, I'm planning to play dumb and purchase some Pherotones to increase my mating options. Oh, and I'm attending the Cuddle Party this Wednesday! The organizers are letting me and a few of my female friends in for free. Ladies, let me know if you're interested!

phero...what?

You have GOT to be kidding me. Pherotones??

is it good to play dumb?

Oh, one other thing. The survey mentioned in the previous entry shows that men are generally more interested in beauty over brains, which is not a huge surprise. But even more than that, I remember hearing about a study that shows higher IQ scores actually hurt a woman's chance for marriage. The opposite is true for men. (Here's an abbreviated article regarding the study.)

For boys, there is a 35% increase in the likelihood of marriage for each 16-point rise in IQ. For girls, there is a 40% drop for each 16-point increase.

What's up with that??

romance around the globe

Leave it to Harlequin to do a survey in sixteen countries about meeting Mr. or Ms. Right. There are some rather interesting and stunning findings.

Australians and British men frequently admitted drinking too much, while about half of German and Italian men said they had lied about their finances. Spaniards were the most likely to use sex to catch someone's attention.

Fascinating.

Eighty percent of Brazilian and Mexican men said they had lied about their marital or relationship status, as did 70 percent of German women, the survey said.

Okay, so, don't trust Brazilian or Mexican men. You men should stay away from them Germans!

Both Spain and France suffered a gender gap. Thirty percent of Spanish men, but no Spanish women, looked for love online. In France, 40 percent of men but only 10 percent of women attended parties, bars and clubs to meet someone, but they did have one thing in common: both sexes rated looks as more important than their counterparts in other countries.

My conclusion? I need to start dating online in Spain! And if I'm ever back in France, I'll have to attend a party, bar, or club. French men are gorgeous...the women were...eh. But, yes, Spain. I hear Spaniards are the best-looking of all. Time to learn me some Spanish! Match.com in Spain!

financial planning

Last night I decided to eat a sensible dinner...salmon, couscous, snow peas. I ate just enough, and I figured I would snack on a few cookies at prayer meeting to keep me satisfied until bedtime.

Well, after prayer meeting I ended up going to McDonald's with Deanna where I consumed six nuggets, fries, and a diet coke...it was like almost 11 p.m.! So much for trying to be sensible.

I'll be heading to the gym this evening for sure! Afterwards I'll be meeting with my (hopefully) soon-to-be financial planner. I've gone through two financial planners whom I knew. In both cases, they left and my account was passed on to some person unknown to me. Boo. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this won't happen again! I've let my financial planning lapse for over two years, and due to my move out here and subsequent unemployment, I was doing all I could just to keep my head above water. And, well, all it took was one Sprint fiasco, and I nearly drowned.

In 2006, I want to get my finances in order again. Did I state that as one of my 2006 goals? If I didn't, well, it is a goal of mine. The thing that I can't figure out though is how I'm supposed to go back to school when I want to be financially in better shape? I need to pray and ask God for miracles.

*sigh*

wine consultant!

Oh, my goodness...maybe I should become a wine consultant with the Traveling Vineyard!

I wouldn't even care so much about making lots of money. I would just have lots of fun throwing wine parties! Woo-hoo!

I'll be like Susan and her Stampin' Up parties. Heehee.

national blood donor month

January is National Blood Donor Month, a time set aside to increase blood donation when blood supply is usually at its lowest.

After work yesterday, I drove over to the local blood donation center (I could have easily walked!) and signed in as a volunteer. After a self-determination that I might meet the weight requirement now and after a mini-medical, checking my blood for iron (often a problem for women), answering a bunch of rather strange questions, and having them okay the procedure used for my navel piercing, I was cleared to donate.

The needle prick was nothing compared to getting a piercing, plus knowing it was for a much better cause made it easier. After a few mintues (and a few pictures. eek!), it was over. I was feeling cold and a little light-headed, but not bad.

About an hour later, the mayor of Englewood showed up to donate. I've never actually met him before, but I know a lot about him...his flashy, go-get-'em personality. He rushed in and was hoping to rush to his next meeting. He promised them that he hadn't had sex with any camels since his last blood donation, but he was told he would have to go through the pre-screening anyway. While he waited, they had us take pictures with him. Har.

There were a handful of Metro people who came by to donate or volunteer. The woman doing the actually blood drawing commented that we must go to a really nice church. Being that this woman has done a million blood drives, I took her statement as a real compliment about Metro. That was cool.

Yeah, I'd do this again. =)

the day is approaching...

Yes, the day all of us single folk love to celebrate...Valentine's Day is coming!

There's an event for those who want to get themselves ready for the big day (and where you can learn to strip tease!?!) and be anti-Super Bowl. And a Meet Your Valentine event for those who are looking for one. Both are being held at Madame X.

Oh, and now I'm a member of SomeofTheGirls, a group of gals who like to hang out in the city and one of the groups sponsoring the Meet Your Valentine event.

I know this isn't related, but it doesn't appear that my holiday weight wants to go away. I mean, I don't feel heavier, but my pants are much more snug than before. So maybe I weigh enough now to donate blood! Hmm. I'll be volunteering at a blood drive after work today. I figured since I have never been able to donate blood before, I might as well donate my time instead.

Maybe it is all related...Valentine's Day...hearts...blood...

no pants

It was 5:43 p.m. on Sunday. A few of us had gathered at a local cafe after church. The food had long been consumed, but we remained, in no hurry to give up our seats. I sat trapped in the corner against the window, the wall to my back, and a row of friends to my left. I had already answered a phone call from my brother when my phone rang again.

It was a phone call I wanted to take, but being trapped in the corner, my Metro friends were made privy to (my side of) the conversation.

"What?? You guys were arrested?!"

Okay, so that caught their attention. I began to hear murmurings from my friends.

"Did you get your pants back?"
"You got your pants back, but you're still not wearing them?!"

Obviously I had a lot of explaining to do when I got off the phone.

At 3 p.m. that afternoon, a group called ImprovEverywhere set up a No Pants event on the 6 subway. It was their fifth annual No Pants event where groups of people all depants themselves at the same time and then go back to being normal subway-riding New Yorkers. They pretend they don't know each other and act as such when asked about what they are doing. Their pants are given to an "agent" with a duffle bag. They then proceed to the next subway car where they walk in and nonchalantly act as if they simply forgot to wear their pants that day. The agent with the duffle bag then begins to sell pants for $1, much to their supposed relief.

It's all done in good fun and not meant to harm anyone in any way.

Kirk participated in the event yesterday. And, well, let me just cut and paste part of his email report:

All was going well until we got to 59th Street (we were supposed to go to 125th and turn around and come back). At 59th Street there was an announcement saying the train was being taken out of service and for EVERYONE to exit the train! Turns out, a woman freaked out and told the conductor who then alerted the police ahead. I was standing by the door of the train pantless for all on the platform to see. One of our 'agents' comes up to me and whispers "It might be in your best interest to put some pants on, the police are holding people." !!!!!!!
So, I wait for a couple of the officers to pass by and casually walk off the train and stand behind one of those poles on the platform. I see another pair of officers coming so I step around the pole till they pass. ha-ha! More people filled the platform so I was ok. Meanwhile, one of the press came and took a bunch of pics of me leaning on the pole. Then, one of the pants "sellers" spotted me and came and asked if I wanted a pair of pants for a dollar. I said yes and put on a HUGE pair of long black pants. I'd have to find my pants later.

Apparently all the participants headed back down to Brooklyn singing "99 Pairs of Pants on the Train". After reconvening and swapping pants, everyone went their separate ways. Kirk chose to remain pants-less all the way home. Haha.

Oh, yes, so the cops didn't get him, but the AP did! Look through all the pictures. Hilarious! =)

Other links from yesterday's Gothamist, today's Gothamist, Newsday, and the update from ImprovEverywhere's No Pants 2K6 site.

love from losanjealous

Haha...this is hilarious. Here's a comparison between NYC and LA. =P

It's after 5 p.m. on a Friday. Why am I still at work??

former hula hoop champ

attempt #1


attempt #2

Notice, I did say "attempts" and I can only call myself a former hula hoop champ. I guess it's not like bicycling. =(

Maybe I just need to find the right hoop. Or I need to practice finding that hula rhythm again. I mean, it HAS been twenty years since I was hula hoop queen! Twenty years!

I am sure I will be back at Tortilla Flats to regain my title. I must!

happiness is trader joe's!

Trader Joe's is coming to NYC!!! :-D

feeling blah

I'm feeling blah today. I'm sure the weather has something to do with it. Dreary, rainy, windy.

My parents called to let me know they'll be in New York to visit a church, but only for today. They have to drive back down tonight and catch a flight to Korea tomorrow. My maternal grandfather is not doing so well.

It looks like I won't be seeing my parents until next Christmas. :-(

the accidental pervert

And, no, I'm not talking about myself...

Anyone want to watch the Off-Broadway show, The Accidental Pervert? I happened upon an entry in Gothamist about the playwright and performer of the one-man show. I applaud the fact that this man is able to share his personal story of how porn affected his life and how it took love, marriage, and becoming a father for him to change his ways. It's a valuable and honest look at how pornography damages a person's ability (particularly men) to relate to the opposite sex in a real and meaningful way.

As far as finding porn tapes in your parents' closet...yeah...that happens! :-O

things to look forward to in 2006...

By late this year, you may be able to own a personal household robot to do your chores and watch your kids and order pizza! (What is up with South Korea and all their "advancements"?)

Ladies, you can meet your dream man in six months! Devote 15 hours every week for this endeavor by going out there, making your eyes smile, bringing along a "prop" (crossword puzzle, gadget, how-to-play-poker book, etc.), kissing on the first date, etc. Learn these strategies in the book Turn Your Cablight On! (Thanks for introducing me to this book, esch. From what I've seen in descriptions and reviews, I think some of the ideas are really valuable...others seem a bit ludicrous. I'll have to peruse the book in person. Is there a money-back guarantee like the Cloud book?)

It appears there will be a shift of power within the elder board of this church (not Metro), but this will not happen quietly or easily. Apparently calls are being made trying to block a person from taking over a particular position. The votes will be taken this evening, and I've been told it will NOT be a pleasant meeting. I've also been warned if the vote turns out in favor of this person, a couple of elders will become quite difficult to work with at church and to watch out for things that might be done or said. Oh, joy.

Okay...it's time to look at the positives. I don't think it will be a smooth year, but I still believe it can be a great one.

tapas

Wow, it's almost the end of the work day on Tuesday, and I have yet to get anything done this week! Well, I mean, I did have off yesterday and today we had a morning staff meeting and then our annual staff lunch, so...it's not like I had time to be productive. Anyway...

This year we dined at Tapas de Espana on Dean Street in Englewood. Apparently the original Tapas de Espana is located in North Bergen; this is their second location.

This is my third time dining there, and I must say, I have not yet been disappointed. This was the first time I had their prix fixe lunch, and at $15.95, it was a bargain! The meal started with their soup of the day, a simple garlic and egg soup. For the appetizer, I chose the Pollo Villaroy, chicken coated with bechamel and then breaded. My main dish was Churrasco, medium-rare. Dessert was flan. And a coffee to end the meal. Oh, and our staff shared a pitcher of pretty yummy sangria. Oh, and they gave us some complimentary sherry before they handed us the bill. Yes, this church has nothing against alcohol, obviously. Let's see if I can get any work done now!

I would recommend the place for tapas at anytime of day or for their weekday prix fixe lunch. Yum!

woo-hoo!

I have twenty minutes until this work week ends and a three-day weekend begins! I'm so excited I want to dance the dance of joy!

from the author

George Jonas is the author of the book Vengeance which is what the movie Munich is based upon.

" 'Munich' follows the letter of my book closely enough," he writes. "The spirit is almost the opposite. 'Vengeance' holds there is a difference between terrorism and counterterrorism; 'Munich' suggests there isn't. The book has no trouble telling an act of war from a war crime; the film finds it difficult. Spielberg's movie worries about the moral trap of resisting terror; my book worries about the moral trap of not resisting it."

Hmm...okay, now I have to read the book!

swingers

Anyone wanna join the Adventure Society with me? Anyone? Anyone?

Ohhh...does anyone wanna join me for a Bordeaux wine event? Anyone?

So last night Will and I watched Swingers. It was my first time watching it since the date I went on almost three years ago. My date had taken me to one of the lounges featured in the film. We talked, standing with drinks in hand, at a very crowded Dresden. It was neat to see the lounge singers in person.

My poor date...he seemed to really like me. It was just such an awkward thing for me...the whole dating thing. I was sooooo out of my element. I mean, it WAS technically my first REAL date. Despite the awkwardness, I did enjoy that evening, and he was definitely up for seeing me again....but....I was too weirded out. The poor guy.

I guess, in the end, I wasn't into him anyway. Maybe it's because he was Korean. =P

approaching deadline

It turns out that the application deadline for one of the schools is February 1. Yikes! I can't procrastinate now even if I wanted to! Ugh.

I started the application online...so many questions to think about as I fill out the application. I guess it will be good for me to think through these things.

One of my application concerns is finding an academic reference. It's been a few years now since I've been in an academic environment so I feel a little strange asking for one. It looks like one of my linguistic professors is still around at Biola from the days when I was taking classes part-time in their Applied Linguistics MA program. Although I only took one class from him, there's a chance he will still remember me since we were both Wycliffe missionaries. I took more classes with another Wycliffe/SIL professor, but I think he went back overseas, and I barely interacted with my Hermeneutics professor (the one Talbot seminary class I took). Gosh, I did brilliantly in all those classes...

dating goals??

Oh, yeah, you will notice in my previous entry that I wrote absolutely nothing about dating goals. I know what I want, meaning, I know what I'm looking for, but I have no desire to set a goal to meet X number of guys and go out on X number of dates in a certain amount of time. I'm not exactly sure how to make any goals regarding this so I just haven't.

I don't want to throw dating out the window...and I know how easy it is to do that unconsciously. I'd like to still be able to put myself out there. So maybe I'll try out at lease one speed dating event.

Oh, and I'm seriously considering participating in a Cuddle Party. (They have a Valentine's Day event for singles on February 12. Anyone wanna join me??) I know it sounds weird, but it's really more like a therapy session because you learn about setting boundaries and communicating too. Read the site for more info (there's even an article written by a Christian cuddler!) or this article about the Cuddle founders from Gothamist.

I remember like a year or so ago, a few of us had something like an impromptu cuddle party at Amy's. I really do believe there is something healing about human touch because it was actually a meaningful thing for me. If you've been hurt by the opposite sex...especially if there was any kind of physicality involved...it can be easy to want to cut yourself off and isolate yourself from the opposite sex...but human touch in a safe and non-sexual environment is a comfort and a source of healing. It can re-awaken in you and remind you of all the positive aspects of connecting with the opposite sex. Seriously. It can also help address issues of trust, intimacy, etc. I recommend it! Non-sexual touch can be the sexiest thing of all. =)

Okay, yeah, so I guess if I have any goals, it's just to stay open and enjoy interaction with the opposite sex and to keep myself from becoming isolated and closed off. If anything actually develops, though, it would be a nice HUGE bonus.

2006 goals

With the start of this week, I was finally feeling more mentally ready for 2006. It's a nice feeling. =) Last night I met up with Deanna for dinner and talked...really talked. Sometimes talking things out helps to clear out some of the clutter and confusion.

Anyway, over the weekend, I thought through what I want for 2006, and here are my goals:

1. Read through the entire Bible this year. (I'm already behind!)
2. Read more in general...and not all the how-to, churchy stuff I've been reading.
3. Leave my current job (by the summer at the latest...sooner if possible)
4. Be back in school at least part-time but possibly full-time by the fall (which means I will have to apply to a few schools first).
5. Spend more time enjoying NYC (but try not to squander all my money doing so).
6. Travel out of the country (although 3-5 can make this rather difficult).

And you know, as far as where I will be by the end of the year, honestly, I realize as long as I stick to the above goals, I will be happy with wherever I end up. Honestly! I know as long as I move forward, I can trust I will end up where I'm supposed to be...and anywhere but exactly where I am righth now in my life would be a great improvement. A large part of my unhappiness and dissatisfaction really has more to do with feeling like my life is stagnant and going nowhere.

I was thinking about how I had thought about leaving my job and going back to school last year...but I guess you could say, I kinda got distracted. I thought about the supposed distractions, however, and realized it wasn't a bad thing. In fact, I know I needed to experience all that I experienced and that I'm more ready now to move ahead, wherever that may be.

So...yes, the plan is to apply to schools on both coasts. And then we'll see.

Both sides have their own appeal. In all honesty, California would be the more "comfortable" and safe route in many ways (friends, weather, cost of living, and academic/theological environment)...but...when I consider what kind of education I want, my first choice is actually in NYC.

So...yeah...we'll see.

munich, in brief

Too much time has elapsed and I have lost the verve for writing about Munich.

Let me just say in brief...

Overall, I liked it. It was a little long (and intense!), and I did walk out of the theater uncertain as to how I should feel...but maybe that was Spielberg's intention. At the beginning of the movie, you clearly want to be sympathetic to the Israelis, but by the end of the movie, I just felt horrible about all the violence and killing...and I was left with this sinking feeling in my stomach about what violence will do to people, as a people and as individuals...is what you are fighting for worth it and when does it ever end? Although war has long been a part of human history, I really strongly believe God created us for peace...evidenced in what violence and killing does to the human soul...but I guess world peace is only achieved in pieces in this lifetime.

If something is done for the good of the people, it can cost the individual...and not just the cost of physical life, but it can cost other aspects of who that person is/was. I wonder how I would respond...how much I would be willing to do for the sake of the greater good. I can definitely understand how one is less willing to continue as blindly as one may have initially. After some damage has been done, you are less willing to sacrifice more without some proof or guarantee. And what would pull me through and keep me going and what would make me eventually want to end my role in the battle? Gosh, I will most likely not be in any situation similar to this, but in some strange way, I can understand...I feel those things too.

Hmmm...not to take away from the complex and heartbreaking situation in the Middle East, but the movie did bring the experience down to the level of one individual...thus, my above thoughts on the matter. Oh, that reminds me. A three-time Nobel Peace Prize Nominee was a guest at this church a few weeks back. He's a Palestinian Christian who works to promote peace. I'll have to borrow his latest book from this church's library.

Images from the movie played in my head as I was trying to fall asleep and found their way into my dreams. I would advise not watching it so late in the day.

I must have been dreaming about Eric Bana too, but that's not really a bad thing. =P

transitioning back

After two weekends away, my first weekend back in NJ hasn't been the easiest of transitions. PMS made it all the more rocky and emotional. I felt like utter crap on Saturday.

I found myself oscillating between trying to find ways to feel more settled and at home in Jersey and devising a plan to get the hell out of here. I knew my emotional craziness was at least in part due to hormones, but I was still frustrated at myself. I was terrified I might slip into another bout of a depression of sorts...something I thought I had completely overcome, but maybe you never do? I feel like if I believe it's an on-going battle, it will be, and I don't want that.

I knew I should probably see people on Saturday, but my efforts to see people proved to be in vain. My feelings of isolation only gained in intensity. The feelings turned into resentment. I got mad at God, and I got mad at myself. I went to bed early.

Sunday morning came and so had my period. Despite the physical discomfort, it was a relief, actually. My emotions should stabilize, and plus, I knew I would be seeing people at church.

Being in a new building at a new time was a bit disorienting. I won't say too much right now (technical difficulties, some limitations, and the fact that I think I'm allergic to the Jewish Community Center!), but I will say it was the time change to 1:29 p.m. that threw me off. I spent the whole week trying to adjust back to East Coast time, and now it felt like we were operating on California time, which I felt like I was doing all day. We ate linner (between lunch and dinner) at like 4:15 p.m. I wanted to see Brokeback (watched Munich instead b/c of time...I will write more about Munich in the next entry) and rallied a few people to the theater. Ate at a diner at 10 p.m. Came home and caught up with my housemates until 1:30 a.m. Yes, so I made sure surround myself with people all day long.

And now? Well, I certainly don't feel as emotionally out-of-sorts, but I haven't completely shaken off the feeling of isolation. I'm seeking some sort of deeper connection...like I need some kind of soul talk with someone here to help me transition back...

*sigh*

so this is the new year...

The New Year by Death Cab for Cutie

so this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

so this is the new year
and I have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back (x2)

so this is the new year (x4)

Okay, so I decided by the end of this weekend, I need to be mentally prepared for 2006. I mean, there's nothing I can do to slow down time, right? I might as well be prepared to face 2006 with courage and boldness...no fear and with the anticipation of joy (like I once used to).

If only the world was flat...no distance...travel the world (and see friends) by folding a map.

strengthsfinder.com

So I took the test my boss told us all to take...

The Signature Themes report below displays my five most dominant themes of talent, as indicated by my responses to Clifton StrengthsFinder, The Gallup Organization's Web-based talent assessment tool.

MY SIGNATURE THEMES:

Adaptability: People strong in the Adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

Connectedness: People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.

Empathy: People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations.

Communication: People strong in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.

Ideation: People strong in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.

Yeah, I'd say the test was pretty accurate. I mean, it's not like any of this is a surprise. Maybe the book will give me insight into what it all means. But I don't expect it to.

take me out tonight

This morning I woke up with the song There Is a Light That Never Goes Out stuck in my head. It's been in my head all morning.

Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
And they're young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one
Anymore

I do want to go out...no, correction...I want someone to take me out. I seriously need a NYC fix. *sigh*

I'm also feeling somewhat of a lack of a sense of home.

But, unlike the song, I don't want any double-decker bus or ten-ton truck crashing into me.

Even though I want someone to take me out, I'm feeling blah about the whole dating thing. It was nice to take a break and not think about it, but now that 2006 has begun, I really don't know how to feel about it. I was thinking of being asexual and resigning myself to a life of celibacy (just like Morrissey), but I'm sure this is just a phase I'm in, a cynical one.

(Btw, did you know Morrissey now resides in Los Angeles? If LA is good enough for Morrissey...)

There were a couple of guys I was supposed to reconnect with after the holidays, but I certainly don't want to be the one to initiate it. I doubt they even remember I told them I was taking my profile off of Match, and even if they did, it's like out of sight, out of mind.

That one dude (he lacks a decent nickname) IM'd me a Happy New Year. He said he still cared about me. My immediate thought was...What the hell are you talking about?? I barely know you!!

Yes, I told you. I'm cynical.

I have more thoughts in my mind, but I think I'll share them a little later. That's all for now.

(And, yes, I probably started PMS-ing.)

cali, not in pics

Okay, so some of the moments not captured on my digital:

My first three nights at Hannah's (beautifully furnished) apartment in her slippery guest bed. Yes, that's right...slippery.

Brunch at Marston's with Susan and finally meeting Holly, Stan, and their adorable daughter. Apparently a scene from Desperate Housewives was filmed at Marston's as well as the park across the street.

Half a day spent on replacing my glasses which included a lengthy eye exam and going through all the frames with Susan to pick the perfect one. The one I liked the most were too narrow for my wide face, but I ended up with another pair of Adrienne Vittadini frames. I spent the rest of the day walking around with dilated eyes and blurry vision.

Enjoying a banh mi sandwich from Lee's for only $1.95. I also feasted on banh hoi wraps at Erik & Lauren's (made by Erik's mom) and pho and eggrolls at Saigon Flavor. I love Vietnamese food!

The break-in which I already wrote about, and the cute sushi chef (and the yummy $2 sushi!).

Mary elbowing me after I yelled out to a minivan trying to park in a compact space. I was reminded we don't yell at cars in LA, even if it's a minivan. We wouldn't want to get shot.

Shopping at Paseo Colorado, Xi, and Santa Anita Mall.

Dinner at Peter's (nicely furnished...lots of warmth) with Peter, Melvin, Peter's friend Debbie, and Susan, my guest for the evening. We shared three bottles of wonderful wine (a Chateauneuf, a red from Paso Robles, and a Riesling from NY) and lots of yummy food. The best line of the evening was when Peter introduced us to Debbie saying all three of us share something in common: we have a thing for French men. Heehee. The popular topic of discussion: online dating.

The next two nights spent sharing a bed with Susan, the bed-hog. (j/k!!)

McGriddle sandwiches with Susan and Sunhee on Saturday morning.

Catching up with Steve and arguing with him that I am, in fact, submissive. The more I argued, the more he seemed to make his point. We ate at good old Tommy's. I think it gave me the runs.

Church on Sunday at Mosaic across the street. It had a very similar feel to Mosaic Manhattan. I also saw quite a few familiar faces (including Jane and Noemi) so that was nice.

After church, Susan and I met up with Hannah, Emmanuel, Nick (who had just flown in), and David in K-town for some traditional New Year's food. There was no parking left in the lot so we had to park two blocks away. Susan was going on about it and even advised Mary not to come because the parking situation was so horrendous. Then the thought crossed my mind that parking two blocks away in NYC would be considered lucky!

My last night was spent at Lauren & Erik's with the extended (and very loud) Cheng clan.

Lunch with Lauren, Susan, Hannah, and Nick at the Sesame Grill in Arcadia. We had the same waiter (the one with the funky hairstyle) that we usually have. I devoured every last bite of the seafood pasta on my plate.

It's hard to capture every moment, even with a digital camera. All those hours of conversation, the laughs, the camraderie...I miss you guys!!

cali pics

Here are some pics from my visit to Cali. I really should have taken more pictures! I didn't take pictures with quite a few people. =( Oh, well...here is what I have:


a home cooked meal with noemi (and my frizzy hair and lack of make-up. =P)

On Thursday, it was an evening with the ladies. Dinner at Thai Palms and Chronicles of Narnia at the El Capitan Theater in Hollywood.


dinner at thai palms in hollywood with mary, susan, hannah, and sunhee

The non-VIP line wrapped around the corner of the building, but Susan told us the preview screening hosted by Mosaic was like two blocks long. We had decent seats up on the balcony. I have never seen such an elaborately decorated movie theater, all done in the theme of the movie. They even had fake falling snow which cascaded into the seated crowd right before the show began.


an organist plays holiday tunes before the start of narnia


me in front of the el capitan

I had to take at least one touristy picture, right? Although, it almost seems accidental since I'm not really looking at the camera. I happen to be sporting my new glasses (which I will NOT lose because glasses are damn expensive!)

Now we jump ahead a couple of days to New Year's Eve at Susan & Sunhee's. The theme was Celebrating the Decades so everyone was encouraged to dress in the style of one of the past decades from the previous millenium.


doesn't susan look cute playing DDR in her flapper outfit? (peter talks to an imaginary person in the background.)


sunhee was happy playing DDR (oh, okay, there really is another person on the couch. =P)

Alas, that is all! My time in Cali came and went much too quickly! *sigh*

an austin christmas

Here are pictures from our Austin Christmas 2005! I realized after going through my pics, that I hardly have any pictures from California! There aren't enough pictures for an album, so I'll be posting photos right into my blog shortly. In the meantime, enjoy the Austin pics! =)

My favorite picture from the Christmas 2005 album:

anabel and her flashing red nose 

30 degrees of separation

I stepped out of the Newark airport with slushy wet snow falling from the sky. The temperature was about 30 degrees colder than it was in LA. My eyes were half-closed and my hair was unkempt. Anthony was waiting in his minivan and greeted me with "You look like sh**."

Oh, yes. I am back in NJ.

After a delayed arrival due to weather and after rushing home to change, I raced to work. I'm sitting here now, half-dazed. I think my brain is a bit disoriented. My body doesn't know if it should eat, sleep, or try and be somewhat functional. Currently, I've opted to eat and be somewhat functional by writing this blog entry.

It will be difficult to encapsulate my trip into a short blog entry, and I am not going to bother trying it now with not-enough-sleep. Instead, I will end this blog here with the announcement that I have returned! (I will let you determine if the news is happy or sad...)

leaving on a jet plane

I'm heading off to the airport now. My time in Cali has come to an end. =(

Oh, well. Happy New Year, everyone!