canker sores

I don't remember exactly when I did this, but I do recall biting the inside of my bottom lip while eating a few days ago. Not only did I do that once, but I did it twice! I must have been really hungry.

Now the area I bit has become a canker sore. Since yesterday it's been difficult to drink coffee or eat anything. =(

I purchased some medication which has this numbing effect. The medication tends to spread so almost the entire right side of my mouth becomes slightly numb.

I hope it's better by tomorrow. I want to be able to enjoy all the food and wine at my party without being in pain. I don't want to have to use the medication either. For some reason I keep picturing myself at the party drooling from the swollen bottom right side of my lip.

birthday guest

Last night I was supposed to have a first date with...uh...the second guy to contact me? #2? However, he had left me a message at some point during the day to reschedule. He's been in the housing market for two years and something suddenly came up. It would have been cool to go to the Bitter End, but I was just as happy not going...

Instead I made myself dinner, went to the bookstore, talked to CV (almost typed his real name here!), and went to the gym.

So...I invited CV to my birthday shindig. And he's coming! =D

'M' stands for...

'M'

M stands for madness…the pouring rain, the flooded streets, leaving my cell phone on my desk at work and having to go back to get it and then not being able to take the bus into the city and driving into the city in the pouring rain instead.

M stands for ‘made it!’ Surprisingly got into the city and found street parking one avenue block away from the theater. Got there in time. Whew!

M stands for Morrissey...I mean, that is why we were there at the screening. I had forgotten just how obsessed his fans can be. People worship this man.

M stands for ‘my apologies!’ Apologies to Parka for not giving her a ride home. CV hadn’t eaten dinner and we wanted to chat…

M stands for middle names, memories, and a meal...CV and I revisited Café Noir…

M stands for more? I believe so. It was a nice evening. CV is indeed cool. =)

good morning! ready for the Easter egg hunt? 

sittin' pretty

care to share Anabel? 

the second date

I think at least half of Metro knows about my date tonight. LOL...

It was a week ago yesterday that we first met up...and it was a week ago today he asked me if I would like to go to the screening of Who Put the M in Manchester. But, my goodness, why does it feel like more than a week has passed? I suppose because last week was a full and busy week with Easter and all.

Easter service seemed to go well. It was a bit strange, in my opinion, being in a new facility. It just felt so different. Less homey and cozy. But we needed the space! It was our biggest turnout yet! And I'm sure we'll get used to meeting at a hotel.

Going back to tonight...Parka has decided to crash my date!!! Okay, well, not really crash my date, but she was so excited about the screening she decided to get tickets too. That Parka!

We may or may not run into each other. The screening sold out in a matter of hours, and CV was on top of things so he got tickets as soon as they were on sale. They decided to open a second screen which was a fortunate thing for Parka. She has tickets to the second screen.

CV and I will be at the first screen with the true Smiths/M fans. heehee.

I am still not sure what to wear. What do you wear on a second date on a rainy day like today to a screening of a Morrissey concert?

happy easter!

I had today off. Yay! I met up with my friend Sarah and her sister to buy decor for my birthday party. =) Then I decided to meet up with ...#3, I think...for the first time for a lunch date. He's kind of on the reserved, timid side. He seemed rather indecisive with the menu. He's allergic to eggs. I think he wants to see me again.

It was pleasant...but I didn't sense any real connection. If anything, it would be great to have him come out to Metro! =)

I'm reminded today on Good Friday how good God really is. My sister got a car! Yay! I've been praying she would be able to find a good reliable car before Easter. Just in the nick of time! Another major prayer request for me has been for Metro's need for a facility. Originally I was praying for one facility, but God has provided a new home for us that is going to be much better than the one I was praying for. Cool, huh?

Yes, He is alive, indeed. =)

Happy Easter, everyone!

i love...

OMG...I'm tired...

Last night Neah (our newest worship leader!) was going to be performing a few songs for a cozy Rutgers crowd. Since Mark and Dan, our bassist and drummer, were playing for Neah that night, a few of us decided to brave the snow (more snow and it's officially spring!) and show our support.

Since my car was the best suited for the weather, I drove down (an hour or so) to Rutgers University with Pastor Peter, Simon, and Dan as my beloved passengers. It was interesting to be in a college environment...surrounded by young college kids. It made me realize how much more...uh...grown-up I've become. Yet I wanted to experience some of the Rutgers college lifestyle. While at Rutgers, I consumed a "fat cat"...a sub roll stuffed with two hamburger patties, cheese, french fries, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, and mayonnaise. It was quite the experience!

Neah was kickin' as always...she was the opening act for this supposedly well-known duo...who I honestly thought paled in comparison to Neah. They weren't bad...but they just weren't innovative or as creative or as real as Neah. Maybe I'm biased, but I think I know what I'm talking about...

We walked back to my car. My back windshield was covered with snow...and someone had decided to inscribe I LOVE COCK in the layer of snow on my car.

Hahahahahaha...Yes, I was on a college campus, for sure.

continue? abort?

This is crazy. I mean, I'm jumping way ahead of myself, aren't I? I've only met the guy once! But, gosh, even with the email I just got I realize more and more that I could really like this guy. And I haven't even completed a month of my six-month plan!

Okay, I know it's still way too early. Maybe I'll have a better idea after our second date. But what happens if I do end up really liking this guy. What happens to my six-month plan?? Do I continue? Do I abort? Let's say things go downward with this guy. I still need to think about what I'm gonna do if I find myself really liking someone. I guess I really didn't expect to find anyone that I could really like on Match...

Dr. Cloud actually warns people to not jump into anything exclusive too quickly. I won't go into his reasons here, but what do you think??

I've paid for six months on Match, but it's not really about the money. Maybe I do need the full six months to be comfortable with dating and with myself in a dating context and to know more about what it is that I really want/need.

This is another reason why I was hesitant to put request #3 (see entry below) on my birthday evite. Mr. CV is just way too cool.

birthday shindig

I'm planning my own birthday shindig this year. =) Will was kind enough to offer his place so his quiet suburban home will be transformed into a cool and hip lounge for the evening of Friday, April 1. I sent an evite to those living in the area, but for my friends who live far from me, here is the content:

Quite frankly, I didn't approach turning 30 with much joy or enthusiasm, but now I'm ready to really enjoy my 30's. What better way to start the celebration than to celebrate with friends?

Instead of birthday presents, I'm requesting the following:1. A poem. It can be your favorite poem, one that is meaningful to you. Or it can be a poem that reminds you of me or will remind me of you. Or it can be an original. Write me a poem if you can! =D 2. Food to share. Instead of going out, let's stay in and share potluck-style. And bring your own alcohol. 3. Okay...this request may seem strange...introduce me to someone or take me out on a date...and no, it's not because I'm desperate. It's all about enjoying the single life to the fullest.

The first two are the most important! If for any reason you do feel the need to spend $ on a gift, wine is always appreciated.

Is the last birthday request too odd? I debated about putting the last request in for a couple of reasons, one being that Match is already taking up so much of my time. Regardless, I did want to express that I'm wanting to enjoy my 30's as a single woman. I'm looking forward to my birthday! Hey, and if my out-of-area friends could send me a poem, that would be super swell. =D

who put the M in manchester?

Mr. CV called last night...

We had discovered through our previous emailing that we were both long-time fans of The Smiths. We'll be meeting up next Monday for a screening of Who Put the "M" in Manchester?

That's right. I'm going to miss 24. But that's okay.

Then the following day I'll be meeting up with #2 for the first time. I'll be going into the city two evenings in a row...

While on the phone with Mr. CV, he confessed that there was one thing I said that made him a little nervous. Apparently after he had complimented me towards the end of the evening, I said something about how he doesn't know me yet. It made him wonder if I was hiding something...if the "evil" Joo was going to come out later.

I wonder what made me say that?? No, I'm not hiding anything. It must have been some sort of knee-jerk reaction...a defense mechanism. What is it that I'm afraid of? Why do I immediately feel the need to not completely trust the intentions behind compliments?

Hmmmm....I'll have to ponder and work this out.

In any case, I'll be seeing Mr. CV again. That's pretty cool. =)

cool vibes

So...last night I met up with...I need to come up with some sort of code name for him...I have called him #4 and Mr. Enthusiastic, but now after meeting him those names don't quite cut it...

Anyway, we met up at his church which was a neat experience in itself. It was neat to see a church that has been around a year longer than Metro with a similar openness in embracing people and the arts.

Even though we were meeting on his "turf", I suppose meeting at his church was a good thing. It allowed me to see him interacting with other people...makes him seem like a "safer" person. Oh, and they were ending their sermon series on sex...so godly values are being preached from the pulpit. (FYI, Simon, no bodily fluids were exchanged.)

Afterwards we went to eat at Cafe Noir...a unique restaurant serving French, Spanish, and Moroccan food. We drank mojitos and shared a paella and a brownie dessert. And we talked.

He comes across more mellow in person. He has a really cool vibe about him, which I like. Maybe that'll be his code name: Mr. Cool Vibes or Mr. CV for short.

He says he gets a good vibe from me too. He's already asked if we could do this again sometime. That would be nice.

mosaic manhattan

Sunday...not my usual day to blog, but...

In a short while I'll be heading into the city to check out Mosaic Manhattan, a relatively new church in the World Trade Center area. It's #4's church, so I'll be meeting him there. (The second guy from Match I'll be meeting.) Sunday evening is turning out to be the night for Match meetings...

Saturday was insanely busy. Morning training session for the Metro team going to South Africa. (Great team!) Afternoon mini-road trip to Kingston, NY to visit Peter C. in the hospital. (Skiing accident...it could have been really, really bad. Great road trip! Great company!) Race back for Simon's housewarming. (Atypical...Simon-style.)

The weekend is coming to a close. I'm sure I'll have more to blog about tomorrow.

a questionnaire to avoid the issue...

The "issue" that this book and this six-month process is currently making me deal with has to do with sexuality...with all the fears, frustration, hurt, etc. that comes with it. I was thinking about writing a rather personal entry, but I think I still need some time to work things out in my heart and mind on this one...

So...instead I leave you with one of those get-to-know-you questionnaires.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Opened my eyes at 7-ish. actually got out of bed at 8:10 a.m. Yikes!
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds are my birthstone.
3. What was the last film you saw at the movies? Hitch...the ladies wanted to drool over Will Smith. heehee. I didn't think I would like it, but it was a pleasant film.
4. What is your favorite TV show right now? The only show I watch with some consistency is 24.
5. What did you have for breakfast? A Quaker Oats oatmeal square thingy with coffee and a banana.
6. What is your middle name? Don't technically have one. Sometimes I use the last part of my first name as a pseudo-middle name which is Young.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? I have no favorites because I love it all...Thai, Greek, Mexican, Japanese, Korean, French, Hooters. It all depends on my mood, and variety is important!
8. What foods do you dislike? Anything poorly made or tasteless
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Mmm...I rarely eat chips, but Salt n Vinegar is addictive once you start.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Favorite? Dunno about that one. Right now I've been listening to Metro's Easter CD non-stop to prepare for our Easter service.
11. What type of car do you drive? A blue 2003 Honda Civic...boring!...except the dashboard lights are pretty.
12. Favorite sandwich? Such hard questions! Whatever I'm craving. Does an In-n-Out, double-double, animal-style count?
13. What characteristic do you despise? An unforgiving heart
14. Favorite item of clothing? Comfy jeans
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Where wouldn't I go???
(Where's #sixteen??)
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Target Kids clothing? Oh, wait...XI in California.
18. Where would you retire to? No clue. Maybe California if it's not too congested and crowded when I retire.
19. Favorite time of the day? Anytime I'm eating food...but more so, a meal with the company of others.
20. What was your most memorable birthday? 27th when my parents were visiting me in Cali on their way to the mission field. It's the first and only time I remember celebrating my birthday with my parents and a room full of friends. It was a Sunday, and we celebrated at a Mongolian BBQ restaurant.
21. Where were you born? In my grandparents house on a farm in the village of Hampyong, S. Korea. The house no longer exists; it became a church.
22. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball...at a ballpark watching the O's and eating a hot dog. Other than that, no favorties. I'll watch just about anything but golf.
23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? You
24. Who do you think will send this back first? The other person.
25. What fabric detergent do you use? I don't remember what I'm using now...All?
26. Coke or Pepsi? Coke is it!
27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Morning?? Night owl, for sure!
28. What is your shoe size? 6
29. Do you have any pets? Sadly, no.
(What happened to # 30??)
31. What did you want to be when you grew up? A firefighter and then a psychologist and then an environmental scientist and now? I'm still trying to figure that one out. =)

men and body image

Yesterday on my way to the gym, I was listening to the NPR show, All Things Considered. They were airing the research segment of the show about Cultural Differences Seen in Male Perceptions of Body Image.

This preliminary study had men from the US and other Western countries choose from different images...what they thought was their body type, what they wanted to look like, what they thought women were wanting in a man, etc. Then they had women give their answer as to what body type they desired in a man. The men answered with a body type that was an average of 20 pounds of more muscle that what the average woman actually wanted.

The same study was done in Taiwan, and the men were only off by five pounds of muscle. Apparently Taiwanese men have a better understanding of what women really want.

In fact, since the word for "muscle" and "chicken meat" is the same, there was confusion when asked about men and muscle. This is how much muscle is really a non-issue.

Taiwanese women like men with academic "power." They also prefer face over body. I guess they like their smart pretty boys.

There was more to the segment; a fascinating study about men and body image. I must admit though...Personally, I think I'd prefer the 20 extra pounds of muscle...I like men with some brawn...brawn and brains. Is that asking for too much?

24 interference

Match is interfering with my 24 viewing on Monday nights. It happened last week and then yesterday. It's the one night I ever turn on the TV, but it's also one of the few nights I'm ever home to answer the phone.

#2 called before 24 which was fine. He watches it too so we made sure to get off right when 24 began. About a minute later, the phone rings. It's #3.

I'm sure he got the sense I was a little distracted. Oh, well. At least I caught the last half of the show. =)

an eclipse and the moon

I think these guys need a tighter elastic in their waistbands, especially the one on the right. I don't know who these guys are, but if you need a chuckle...

Total Eclipse of the Heart

no more matches, please!

I really think five is more than enough for me to handle right now, but, lo and behold, I had two more guys initiate contact with me. What do I do? I'm just getting to know these guys, and I feel like I'm already needing to decide who NOT to continue getting to know. I can't handle seven!

One guys lives way out of this area, and in my mind, I don't see it happening. Do I email him anyway?? The other guy is Christian...but through his profile he comes across as...I dunno...a judgmental Christian. Where's the love, man?

I need to make some decisions. Or hope that some of these guys will start losing interest.

first date

Okay, so I know EVERYONE is wondering about my date last night. In a nutshell, it was a pleasant evening. He was a gentleman and conversation flowed easily. Were there sparks? Will there be a second date? Well...

Here are some thoughts that popped in my head during the evening:

"Holy cow! This guy is HUGE!"...muscle-wise, I mean. He's 6'1", but he actually doesn't look so tall cause he's all MASS. He used to compete in bodybuilding competitions and still works out avidly. I felt like a dwarf next to him. He called me an elf. I think he was referring to the Keebler cookie kind of elf and not LOTR. He wouldn't call me a hobbit because I don't have hairy feet.

I was mentally writing up a list of negatives and positives. I realized that he can be funny and we can talk rather easily, but there were no deep conversations and we really don't share too much in common.

When he dropped me off at my car, he leaned in, and I could feel myself tensing. He was probably only gonna give me a kiss on the cheek anyway (or not?), but just to be sure, I turned my head to be sure it would only be my cheek and nowhere else. This is better than one time when I actually shrieked, "Ahhhh!" and pulled away when a guy tried to kiss me.

On my way home, I couldn't help thinking for the umpteenth time that dating is SO weird and still not my thing. It would be so much easier for God to just plop the man of my dreams into my life, but I am trying hard not to let that kind of thinking keep me from learning and growing as a person through this process and six-month plan. It still seems so unlikely that I'll ever fall in love or feel what I felt once before...and it makes me sad that it was something I was to not have.

*sigh* Will there be a second date? I think I'll leave that up to this person. He says he'll give me a call, and I guess we'll see. The old Joo would have given every reason not to go out with him again because I didn't feel "it." The old, old Joo would have never gone out with him in the first place. The current Joo? I think it's time I become open to second dates considering I've never really been on one. So maybe one more time.

match discussions

I've been enjoying getting to know these guys on Match. It's been interesting, for sure. Some of the discussions I have enjoyed the most have been when I can talk about my faith and also listen to their story. It's been neat, and it would be really cool if it opened doors for some people to consider faith in God more seriously.

One thing though...on Match they ask you, not just for your marital status, but whether you have been in committed relationships, etc. I had the option of leaving that question unanswered or to answer truthfully. I wasn't going to lie. I decided to answer truthfully and selected "never been in a committed relationship."

I realized by selecting this answer, it would probably raise questions in the minds of the guys who come across my profile. They may wonder if I have commitment issues, intimacy issues, if I'm too picky, or if I'm just into meaningless flings. I figured as I get to know people, it would be something I need to explain.

Well, I received my first inquiry regarding this matter. #4 (see below) didn't push for a response but asked out of curiosity. I suppose I will answer....and answer truthfully, of course. It's a bit of a sore spot for me, I guess...requiring some vulnerability in answering honestly.

match five

Currently I've been corresponding with five guys on Match. Remember, I am only getting to know them. I'm not marrying them. With that in mind, here is a little about them.

They range in age from 32 to 44. Two identify themselves as Caucasian, two as Black/African descent, and one Latino/Hispanic/Other. Two identify themselves as Catholic, one who says he is spiritual but not religious, one agnostic, and one Christian.

Their occupations are police officer, medical officer, engineer, physical therapist, and something in sales/marketing. One lives in Long Island, one in Brooklyn, two in NYC, and one in NJ.

Their height ranges from 5'5" to 6'4". All of them excercise at least occassionally and come across as fairly fit overall. One used to compete in bodybuilding competitions.

Here is my assesment of them thus far, in order of when they initiated contact:
1. He comes across as an upstanding citizen, always doing the right thing. He has moved things along in getting to know me without wasting too much time. I have felt the most comfortable with his initiating and leading because he comes across as confident and not creepy.
2. He comes across as a person who is uncertain about a lot of things in his life. He seems friendly but a little tentative in his interaction. I get the sense that contact with this individual will probably dwindle unless he shows he really wants to continue.
3. Hmmm...the run-on sentence guy? He grew up in Europe (but he's not white) which makes him interesting. He has asked questions about spirituality and my faith, and I've invited him to Metro. =) He seems eager to learn and to get to know me, but I kinda get the sense he has an idealized picture of me in his mind which is my main concern.
4. This guy is Mr. Enthusiastic. We share an interest in food and wine, and he seems to be a legitimate Christian (albeit relatively new) who is active in his church. He seems a little all over the place, jumping from one thing to the next in his email messages. I get the sense that we could be friends.
5. He's well-traveled and has lived in many different places. He seems friendly with a variety of interests. We have had an interesting interaction regarding faith. If anything, I hope to continue our discussion. (He's the agnostic.) He's also the tallest of the lot. I told him if we ever meet up, I'd have to wear my highest heels.

american idol

anwar robinson auditioning for american idol

I haven't been following American Idol, this season or any before, but I have watched two episodes from this latest Idol. The first was at the very beginning with the auditions and the most recent was this past Monday with the men fighting to make it into the top 12.

In those two episodes, Anwar caught my attention. He's a music teacher with a fabulous voice, a winning smile, and he's absolutely adorable!! I hope he wins!

Another thing I noticed when watching on Monday: As rude as Simon may appear to be, I completely and totally agree with his comments on all the singers. I thought he was right on with each and every one. I guess I would be a great American Idol judge...except for the fact that I have a hard time being that brutally honest so I'd probably end up thinking what Simon is thinking and saying something much nicer...

match.com = full-time job

Man, match.com takes a lot of time. It's becoming a full-time job! I'm four email messages behind in my replies! I mean, if I want to give adequate replies, it takes time, you know.

I had two introductory email messages sitting in my inbox this morning from two new match.com guys. One is caucasian; the other is Costa Rican. Both live in NYC. So still no Asian contacts. And only one dude from Jersey.

There hasn't been a need to initiate anything myself...not yet anyway...

when will winter end?

the view from my office window

Unbelievable! Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day with temperatures reaching into the 50's. Today it is snowing...again! When will winter end?

Yes, this is the view from my office window. I have a view of the main road and the driveway entrance to the church (currently completely covered with snow). You can't quite see all the snow blowing around in the air, but believe me, it's there.

brrrrr!

match date

I have my first match.com date this weekend.

Okay, technically, it won't be my first. I went out with someone I met on Match when I lived in Cali, but this will be the first this time around.

What should I wear?

That brings up another question. How would you describe the way I dress? He asked me, and I couldn't figure out how to describe it.

Last night we talked on the phone for the second time. He called right when 24 started, and our conversation went until just before 24 ended. *sigh* Oh, well.

Another match.com guy wants to meet up, but for some reason, I'm not as comfortable with the idea yet. Maybe it's because he misspelled some words and for some reason feels little need to use any punctuation in his email. Plus, it was only his second email to me (the first one being that long run-on sentence), and I've only written him once. He gave me his number. Maybe I should call him first?

farewell dvd

On Friday I finally received the DVD that was made for my farewell. The footage had been taped almost a year and a half ago.

I watched the DVD...images and scenes I could replay in my head were playing out on my television screen...and there were many I saw for the first time...thoughts and well-wishes from friends. It seems strange to hear those things now.

Yet maybe I needed to be reminded of certain things. Like the things that people remembered about me...I had almost forgotten some of the silly/crazy things that I had done. The person they spoke of enjoyed life immensely, laughed easily, and inspired others to live for something greater than themselves. I seemed less afraid back then.

I would rather be remembered for those things than for being closed, sad, and uninspiring. It makes me want to be the way I once was...not that I can really go back to being the old Joo (cuz you never can) but learning to be me again...in a new and better way, even...not that I was ever being fake, but I did feel buried under life circumstances.

People were noticing this weekend that I was happy...some said glowing. On one hand it's sad that being happy is so different from my usual state, and on the other hand, it's a good thing. It shows maybe things are indeed changing.

generic matches

I've gotten a couple of really generic and, most likely, cut-n-paste match.com email messages. Here's the latest:

From: ------@talkmatch.com)
To: ---------------@talkmatch.com)
Date received: March 4, 2005
Subject: Hello Gorgeous!
Hi, I liked your profile and you look stunningly beautiful I would like to hear from you.Take care,Rob.

I mean, what the heck is that? He gave no real indication that he even read my profile. What did he like about it? Do I email him back anyway? Is he just really bad at communicating via email? Talk about a run-on sentence!

Another possibly generic email I received was from someone who felt the need to put down other people. He assumed I have been getting email from losers and figured I was his best bet or something. I didn't bother emailing him back.

I realize I can give really good excuses for not contacting ANY of these match.com guys. I'm trying not to be like that though. I'm trying to be more open...open to learn, if nothing else. More open and less hostile. Why do I have such hostile tendencies? How did I become this way?

comfort food

The creamy tomato soup from Whole Foods (their brand, 365) is yummy! Combine with a grilled cheese sandwich on sourdough, and you're all set to enjoy some divine comfort food!

My cold is much less severe, the sun is shining, and I'm feeling okay today.

things learned on match

I notice that I am more likely to have a slightly negative reaction to the profile pics from match.com winks than positive ones. Maybe I am more superficial and shallow than I am willing to admit.

My winks have still been from men in their late 30's to early 40's who are non-Asian. A good number of them are divorced or separated. Some of them have kids. Most of them are Catholic. I notice that I usually match everything they're looking for but they will be missing a few things I want (usually age, religion). All but one have included their income range. According to income range, all of them make more than double what I make (not difficult at all); some of them make triple or possibly quadruple my income. Most of them don't drink or only drink socially. Most of them live somewhere in the state of NY. One lives in Conneticut, another in Rhode Island, two in California, and only one in NJ.

I'm a bit wary of men who only list "Asian" as their ethnicity of choice for their date.

I have been exchanging match email with two guys. They are very different from each other from what I can tell thus far.

One of them gave me his number in his second email to me. He seems interesting so I guess I'll give him a call...

ipod, upod, we-all-pod

I could no longer ignore Jenny's plea. I had to help her get her free iPod. I too have also heard that this is legitimate. When five of your friends complete one offer, you will be the proud new owner of an iPod. I helped Jenny out, and now I'm on my way to whiter teeth.

So help me get one too! You must click on this link to complete one deal and have it credited to me. Help me get an iPod, get a two-week trail for whiter teeth (or join a DVD or book club, etc. but please make sure to read the fine print!), and find friends who will help you get your iPod for free.

iPod, uPod, we-all-Pod!

the dreaded woes

so right now i'm sitting here...feeling...unmotivated...and, well, unhappy.

i already want to forget this whole six-month plan thing. it's just too much work. i wish i could just crawl into bed and sleep. and i already came into work a couple of hours late this morning because i wanted to get some extra rest. and i'm not rested. i've been fighting this nasty cold all week, and i'm tired. maybe i'll just pack up and move to where my parents are. hibernate in russia for a while.

is it pms again? already?

hooters

I am totally craving Hooters' wings right now.

Hooters' wings washed down with ice cold beer.

Yummmmm. *drool*

the plan

The plan is...to date actively for six months. In those six months, the goal is NOT to hook up with anybody. The plan is to meet and date as many people as possible in order to learn more about myself and what I may want/need in another person. It's about learning and in turn blessing the other person, because connecting with people can be a blessing. There are no expectations, except to learn and grow.

Why am I doing this? Henry's Cloud's dating book (I'm about halfway through) has made me reflect and analyze some of the things that have been going on inside this head and heart of mine. Henry Cloud talks about inner and outer dynamics that play a role in one's dating life. He encourages the reader to be active about working on the inner dynamic (expectations, thoughts, fears, issues, etc.) and making the outer dynamic (the number and type of people you meet in your everyday life) as favorable as possible. I'm guessing if Henry Cloud was my personal dating coach, he would assess that the inner dynamic is more of a factor in my dateless life than the outer ones.

Plus, with all the powerlessness I've been feeling, I want to feel empowered to do something...anything! I realize this isn't going to kill me. And if I go about this the right way, it can only be a positive thing.

I started my plan officially as of yesterday, March 1. Six months. That'll be until the end of August. We'll assess how I'm doing and where I'll go from there, but in the meantime, I need other people to make sure I'm sticking with my plan to actively date (in a way that is healthy and not destructive). Keep me accountable!