It's been a crazy and busy day, but...

I just found out that Ed Harris grew up at this church and was confirmed here. There's a good possibility he'll be coming out for a special guest appearance next year for this church's 145th anniversary celebration.

I'm rarely the star-struck type, but I thought that was kinda cool.

Lately…or, actually, maybe this has been ongoing…I’ve been feeling like a car with the fuel gauge reading low.

When the weather is great, it’s daylight, and there are gas stations every few blocks, there is little reason for concern. The thought might enter your mind, “Maybe I should re-fuel.”

When the weather is lousy, it’s the middle of the night, and there are no visible gas stations for miles, there is much more reason for concern. It’s easy to become anxious, and the thought screams in your mind, “I need to re-fuel!”

Where will I be when the tank empties, and I come to a stop? Why do I tend to imagine the worst scenarios?

These days I’ve been wanting to pull over to the side of the road. Sometimes just stopping for a while seems easier than trying. Maybe I just need a break.

Yet sometimes I wonder if my fuel gauge is broken. Maybe the tank will never empty. Maybe I’m running on a full tank of gas and just don’t know it. Is my cup overflowing, and I just don’t realize it?

But regardless of how full my tank may be, more than anything, I want to be free to keep moving…confident that I will never run empty, confident I will reach my destination.

History will add to the charm, the character, and the richness of Paris and Nice. Food will add definite enjoyment and happiness. And wine...oh, yes, the wine...I will definitely enjoy the wine. There is no question about that.

But...I am most looking forward to the ART!

How often will I have the opportunity to gaze upon all the wonderful art...not just a print or a copy, but the originals?? Even more so than any large or grand museum, I'm most looking forward to the smaller ones. Rodin and Picasso in Paris. Chagall and Matisse in Nice.

By the way, I realized a few days ago that I will be leaving for Paris on the one year anniversary of my arrival to New Jersey. I find that kinda...funny.

Autumn in New York
That brings the promise of new love
Autumn in New York
Is often mingled with pain

Dreamers with empty hands
They sigh for exotic lands

It’s autumn in New York
It’s good to live it again

Well, I don't know about the "promise of new love," but I would sure love to see the trees this year. Let's take a trip!

No more guesses? Come on, peoples. No need to be afraid to guess. =P

Three more weeks until France! Woo-hooooooooooo!!!!! For those of you who don't know, this is a delayed 30th birthday celebration for myself and my old roommate Susan. Originally Susan and I were going to celebrate our milestone birthdays in France during our birth month of April, but due to circumstances, we pushed it to October. And now Lauren and Erik are joining us. Yay!

So if anyone wants to shower me with a delayed birthday gift, contributions to the France Fund would be greatly appreciated. =)

Our flights to Paris and Nice are booked. Our hotel in Nice is booked. We just need to find lodging in Paris. I've been watching Rick Steve's DVD guide to France, thanks to Simon. I just need to get my hands on a French language CD and a travel phrase book. Then I'm all set!

All the HISTORY! the ART! the FOOD! the WINE! Can you guess which one I'm most excited about? See if you can figure it out. I'll post my answer in the next entry. =D

While I was waiting in line for the bathroom at the lounge on Friday, a young man wished me a "Happy New Year." I was perplexed at first, but then he explained that he's Jewish.

He introduced himself and asked for my name. For a split second, I wasn't sure if I should give him my real name, not because I felt the need to lie but because my name is Joo.

I'm really not sure if he heard my name correctly anyway. The music was loud, and I wasn't even certain if his name was Greg or Ed.

Haha.

Another weekend passes...

I don't quite have the words...

The incriminating photos...

So many thoughts...

Hanging out with Metro folks never ends...

Sunday service was good...dealing with sex and lust. An inspiring testimony. A sermon to put things in perspective. I think we needed to hear it as a community.

More things to think about.

Wait...I just realized...I have let the anniversary of my blog pass without acknowledging it! It's been three years of blogging, baby. Three years!

Is there anyone out there who has read it consistently for all that time?? hmmm...

Recently a friend told me that he stopped reading my blog because it was too depressing. I think I'm a little more positive now. Right? =D

Today I received a letter from my landlord stating that my rent will increase as of November 1. The increase isn't much, but I'm definitely ready to move. I want to have roommates again. I'm considering having male roommates.

One of the elders at the church called to ask a question and mentioned the name of one of the recent guest preachers. The guest preacher also happens to share my last name. The elder then passed the phone to his wife who happens to be Korean.

She proceeded to speak to me in Korean...and what I think she was wanting to know is what "Hong" line I'm from. (She switched to English.) I told her I didn't know what it was. She told me that he (meaning the guest preacher) probably didn't know either. Honestly, I hadn't even given much thought to whether he was Korean or not. She then asked me if I had met him. I had, briefly. She asked me if there were any sparks...

???????

So this morning I had to excuse myself from our staff meeting to direct a delivery person from a local florist who was delivering flowers for a memorial service. I walked with him to the other side of the church, into the chapel.

"So are you a nun?" he asked as he placed the flowers on a table.

His question threw me off for a second, maybe because my last blog entry mentioned celibacy or maybe because it was just a strange question. I had to explain that Presbyterians don't have nuns.

On another note...this morning as I was driving to work, I saw the words "I hate Florida" written on the back window of a parked car. For a split second I thought this person was rather rude to make such a comment and wondered why they would display those words for everyone to see. Then I noticed the license plate, Florida license plates. =D

Today I met up with my aunt, visiting from Orlando. We caught up with each other...she filling me in on her upcoming assignment to the Phillipines...and me sharing about how I have been encouraged to attend seminary. She knows that people have made such suggestions to me in the past. She herself thinks that I have gifts to be in ministry, but can't pinpoint specifically what kind. I told her I can't pinpoint it either.

She then told me she thinks the ideal situation would be that I would meet someone and that we would be called into a specific ministry together. I told her I think it's far more difficult to meet someone than it is to find a perfect ministry fit. I guess part of what I meant is I believe God will lead you to the right ministry, but with love (of a romantic nature, not God's love, obviously), there are no guarantees.

My aunt also said something to me about how going to seminary could be somewhat "threatening" to guys. Honestly, I feel like most of my decisions have been "threatening," but I think it's awful to feel that way. I don't want to regret any of my decisions, and I certainly don't want to resent God for it.

It's kind of funny to think I was having this conversation with my aunt who, in her mid-forties, has never married. In fact, my parents have in the past said to me that they hope I don't become like my aunt...working tirelessly in ministry all "alone"...as if it's such an awful thing.

Every once in a while (I think in an attempt to understand why I have never been in a relationship) someone will ask me if I think I have the gift of celibacy. I always find the need to clarify what they mean when they ask this question, and I find that their definition and mine is often very different. They inevitably assume that it means I have some kind of magical gift that eliminates any desire for marriage or that kind of intimacy. I know they don't mean any harm, but I find it annoying when people make such assumptions. Most, if not all, of the single women in ministry I have encountered would have gladly welcomed marriage in their lives, but have instead (often at a sacrifice) understood that they had been given the privilege of living their lives (or at least this season of their lives) entirely devoted to God and His work. I think that's what makes it a gift.

At this point in my life, I'm really not expecting to get married. Maybe that sounds too pessimistic. I don't mean it to be. Then again, maybe I am just afraid.

This weekend passed rather quietly for me. On Saturday, the third anniversary of 9/11, I wasn't exactly sure how I wanted to let that day pass. The thought crossed my mind of going into the city by myself, but ultimately, I didn't feel the need to do so. I ended up staying in relative solitude for most of the day. I rested, spent some time in remembrance, reflected a little, but mostly took care of things I had been too busy to do. It's nice to feel less cluttered in life.

The day ended with a plate full of freshly baked cookies, a glass of milk, and the companionship of three lovely ladies. Not a bad day.

Within me has grown a greater resolve. I need to focus again.

The thoughts that have been brewing in my head...the retreat...Pastor Peter's challenge...the fasting...it all seemed to reach a culmination during prayer meeting last night. As we were praying, I sensed the need to pray that we would not allow any little thing to get in the way of God. It struck me how often we are willing...I am willing...to give God less glory and give Satan a little foothold into our lives because of our unwillingnes to change. I suppose in our minds, giving 95% is great and holding back 5% is seemingly insignificant.

I realized how idiotic it is to hold anything back. Is it worth it to do so? Is it worth it to let that one thing, whatever it is...fears, insecurities, laziness, pride, a particular desire, a particular sin, a weakness, etc...get in the way? We use measly excuses, and as a result, Satan gets a little piece of God's action. Don't we want to see God work more powerfully in our lives and in our communities? How about the world?? Is it right for us to demand it if there is something within us that is holding back?

Within me has grown a greater resolve. My prayer is that God would grant me the wisdom, strength, and endurance to continue down this path. I will make mistakes, for sure. Lord, have mercy!!

Happy Birthday, Lauren! You are still the most youthful thirty-something year old I know. =)

Lauren and the lollipop. 

Lauren's superhero pose. 

The dam has been broken! The first couple from the Singles group emerges!

Well, apparently, they have been in existence for a little while now, but it really only came to light last night. (What a shocker!) It certainly explains some things.

Perhaps this will be the impetus for more inter-group dating? hmmmm....

I dunno. I doubt it. Oh, me of little faith!

Today the funeral home delivered the ashes of the Pastor Emeritus to the church office.

I want to be cremated when I die.

I should add one thing to my last post...

The one area where I find it absolutely difficult to move on and let go has to do with people in my life, especially the nearer and dearer you are to me.

This becomes problematic when my quest for new adventures clashes with my desire to stay close to the ones I love.

If only I could keep everyone with me.

I’m rarely the type of person who dwells on the past. In fact, I’m really great at living in the present, relishing every moment, being fully there…when I find it interesting.

The problem is I get bored easily.

And then I end up consuming myself with thoughts of what could be and what might be. The possibilities are more interesting than what actually is. I end up dwelling on the future, of things yet to come. My thoughts and ideas become grand illusions. I become restless, listless, dissatisfied with reality.

*sigh* Lord, have mercy.

Some thoughts currently running through my head...

I wanna move out of my cute little apartment. I don't want to live alone anymore.

Work has become boring. What can I do about this?

Arnold Schwarzenegger...people made fun of the fact that CA elected a celebrity governor, but now he's become the star Republican.

Meanwhile, NJ is dealing with a gay governor who cheated on his wife.

I'm feeling kinda blah. Is it PMS?? Or is it an after-retreat low?

Should I go to Puerto Rico?